my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize