My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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