i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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