there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
