People in love make me want to vomit
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
