I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
