I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize