I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
