I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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