im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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