I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
