Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
