To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
