somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
