Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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