If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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