i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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