he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
