My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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