those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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