k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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