the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
