and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
