I'm jealous of your bromance
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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