I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
