Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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