I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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