i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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