yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
