i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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