Small penises have feelings too.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
