my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
