Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
