hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
