I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
