..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
