I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
