So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
