Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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