im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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