GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
