Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
