Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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