Jerry, you need to find god
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
