Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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