I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
