I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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