his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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