I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
