I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize