one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
