Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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