I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
