it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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