People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
