I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
