so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
