So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
