My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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