Please, let me fuck your mom
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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