well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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