So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
