i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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