you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
