i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
