Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
