never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
