i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
