Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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