Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
