i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
