We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
