Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
