Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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