Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
