my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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