I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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