just tell him i said nine months
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
