Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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