I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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