Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
tell me about the eggs
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
