remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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