Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My ass is underappreciated
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize