If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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