my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
not ubering you a puppy
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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