so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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