bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
