Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
