Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize