Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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