I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
