I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The best revenge is premature balding
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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