didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
